Don't be afraid to set rules and boundaries, and don't forget to enforce them.
Problems
Security / intimidation
It's not just between peers
Intimidation is a word that can be associated with teenagers in a number of ways. For instance, intimidation can be the result of peer pressure and bullying; but I want you to look at intimidation from a different view, one from an adult perspective.
I can clearly recall an unforgettable fight I witnessed during high school lunch. Verbal comments between two boys quickly escalated into a physical fight. It sounds like a typical fight until one of the students stood up on a lunchroom table to say his arguments. A lunchroom monitor quietly walked over and told him to get down. The student looked down at her and snapped “what are you going to do about it?”
Of course the monitor was speechless, but what I remember most was the look on her face. It was not one of disgust and anger from the comment. It was rather a look of fear. The lunchroom monitor was intimidated by the high school student. In fact, it was a person of higher authority that broke the fight, not the monitor that was first at the scene. Intimidation caused a hesitation to act.
It's so common
There are so many instances when the faculty is afraid of their own students. Let me remind you that these teenagers are usually less than half their age. These same instances can be seen between parents and their kids. Some parents are afraid to take the authority role in their own home. Their teenagers will argue back until they get their way; because through the teenager’s eyes, “they are old enough to do what they want.”
I hear the famous words all the time from my parents: “you live in my house, you live by my rules.” That is an order that shows authority and control. The way some parents let things slide because they are afraid of upsetting or starting an argument with their kids is ridiculous. You are not a bad parent when you set rules.
Loss of control: it's an open entry for trouble.
Being afraid to set rules and discussing boundaries with your teenager leaves a green light for trouble. You are showing your kids that they are old enough to do what they want. They have control over you, and they will take advantage of that.
The truth is that when you're a teenager, you're not old enough to really do much of anything. From the maturity level I remember and still see, teenagers don't have a full understanding of the real world. So many things are just handed to them without an understanding of accomplishment and hard work ethic. Saying “yes” or “okay, this time” are overdone phrases for adults. You're not being a parent.
Put up a welcome sign for bad habits why don't ya
If you don't want to set boundaries, you could be saying some of the following:
- it's okay to stay out late far past curfew
- it's okay to be disrespectful
- it's okay to take drink and take drugs
- it's okay to fight things out
- it's okay to do what you want!
But it's not!
Don't tell me you agree with this list. Stop letting a teenager walk all over you, and put your foot down! If you care about your teenager’s safety and future well being, you should not be ashamed when your teenager throws a tantrum because you taught them that they did something wrong. If you're consistent, they will learn from their mistakes.
I remember how the D.A.R.E. program taught kids to say “no” to drugs. I sometimes wonder what will teach adults to say “no” to their teenagers and students.
